Down but hopefully not out

Life is hard, but I knew that. It just seems increasingly difficult these days. Work is very demanding and my training is suffering as well as my mental well being. I'm busy working until near or past midnight many nights and then trying to get up and go for another day only to do it all over again and I'm not dealing well with it. I'm exhausted constantly and depressed that my training is so poor.

I've had a few days where I just wanted to say to hell with it all and quit and find a new something. I don't mind the teaching, but the prep work is what I hate. It takes me forever. Just like with running, I'm slow at it and it's miserable. I'm not sure if I'm eating enough and I know that I could improve what I am eating but everything takes so much time and effort that I would almost rather not eat than have to deal with it.

I feel weak these days, some physical, but I think that's just from lack of sleep, but mentally as well. I'm sure that's also from lack of sleep, but it's harder for me to deal with. Physically, I just cut back on my training. Mentally, I get depressed for not training hard enough, long enough, fast enough, often enough...

I've always set goals, but perhaps mine for now are too high and I'm putting too much pressure on myself to achieve them too quickly. And when I'm not having a good training session I find it difficult to keep going and often times, like today, I cut it short. This leads to me feeling weak and I hate it. Most of the time I stick it out, but increasingly I've not. I have debated on getting a coach. I know I could really use one right now and I've got a really good reference. I've been told that the benefits are well worth it, but for some reason I hesitate. I feel like it's a big step and right now I'm not sure that I'm ready for that step, although maybe that's what I need.

I'm getting tired of the exact same training routines. I could change things up, but I'm not sure how much is enough and what is too much. I want to improve and I know I have some limitations, but I know there's an efficient way to train to push out those limitations. I just don't know if a getting a coach would help with that right now or if I need to get a better training routine first.

On the other hand, there are a few bright spots. I met a really great person at the bike shop who has participated in triahtlons since the early 80s. We had dinner with the bike shop crew last Friday and talked about triathlons and training. He's out of town right now, unfortunately, but he's going to be a great resource. He seemed excited about being able to pass on his wealth of knowledge to me. He began laying out some running drills and said he would write me up some swim workouts that incorporate intervals. I know these things will be extremely helpful and I'm excited about getting started on them, but I'm not sure when he'll be able to get them worked out for me.

To help me set new/reasonable running goals, I think I'm going to go run a road race this weekend in Orlando. I'm looking at a 15k. It's been quite a while since I've done a road race and I think that it will help me see where I stand. I just hope I have a good race. Even though I want to use this race to set goals, I also have goals for this race and I hope I'm not disappointed if I fall short. I know it's not suppose to work this way, but this is fortunately/unfortunately how I work and who I am.

I set goals and worked like hell to achieve them and then am disappointed when I fall short.

I'll have a race report from Escape 2 Miami soon. I'll say this though, the course was tough.